Archive for the ‘Sharing Your Gift’ Category

Who Are ‘You’?

Monday, November 9th, 2009

11.8blogcartoonThe first set of social and emotional wellness skills The Project Happiness Handbook teaches pertains to self-awareness: exploring who I really am. Students learn to practice self-compassion, they build an understanding of their own emotions – particularly what brings them lasting happiness – and they gain confidence in their gifts.

But there’s bad news from postmodern scholars: there is no self! You thought you had thoughts and feelings, made choices, and generally went about your day as an individual, but all along you were just this freakish creature, an amalgam of all the societal and cultural influences around you. Bummer.

While the former may be philosophically true, it’s not very practically helpful (my husband, the philosophy Ph.D. feels there is no distinction, but try living with a philosopher and let me know what you conclude!). At the very least, we have a real, individual experience of selfhood and we need to honor that experience in ourselves and our students by practicing self-awareness. As a nod to those postmodernists, though, we do need to be aware of the influences on our selfhood: friends, family, cultural norms, and – the biggie – the media (see ShapingYouth.org for a great blog exploring issues of media and youth identity).

But how do you become aware of media influences when they are so complex and pervasive? You do something I’m very good at: make things strange (also called ‘denaturalization’ in the postmodern literature…)! Ads and TV and movies are all around us, so we get used to them, they become ‘normal.’ But if you can make them abnormal, you can see the inequalities and dangerous ideas behind them more easily. And what is my favorite way to make things strange/abnormal?…

You guessed it – linguistics! In this case, take a look at ‘you’ – no, don’t run to the mirror (or ask your students to do that – you won’t have enough bathroom passes). Simply become more mindful of the pronoun ‘you.’ How do the media position ‘you’? Ask kids what their favorite stores and products are and then ask them to write down all the actions a ‘you-who-is-a-teen’ takes part in. Take a look at the examples below from J.C. Penney’s wildly successful (as rated by ypulse.com, a youth marketing site) Facebook page. Teen consumers are asked to engage in the following 7 earth-shattering actions:

  • Mix
  • Match
  • Make your own (=buy)
  • Layer
  • Wear
  • Get (=buy)
  • See faves (=a link for more styles)

To be fair, J.C. Penney is trying to sell clothes, but it’s simply dazzling how many verbs they have come up with simply for wearing and buying. And here is the central verb teen users are responding with:

  • Love (J.C. Penney, Olsenboye [a new J.C.P. brand], jeans, etc.)

When broken down linguistically, it is a very clear, cut-and-dried consumer relationship: J.C. Penney asks teens to buy and wear (which they can do by mixing, matching, layering, etc.) their products and teens respond by buying, wearing and loving those products. There is, at base, nothing wrong with this: J.C.P. offers a product, teens buy it. But it is the last part – loving it – where a bit of a wrinkle comes in. In this case, teens are turning right back around and doing the advertising for J.C.P. And they are making J.C.P. a part of their online identity by making it a part of their ‘community’ on Facebook.

A simple exercise like this can start a conversation about how students see themselves, what roles they play in the broader culture, and what roles they want to play. This would be particularly powerful when integrated with the activity, “Who Am I?” on p.41-43 of the Project Happiness Handbook. This can help students become aware of not just how their friends and family see them, but how companies, governments, and social organizations see them.

“Who are you?” is a question adolescents are developmentally primed to answer (see chapter 2, section 3 in the Project Happiness Facilitators’ Guide for more information). Let’s provide them with the resources to answer it thoughtfully and intentionally.

| No Comments »

Radical Possibilities

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

“Anything is Possible!” – this is one of the explicit messages U.S. culture feeds to its youth. From Kevin Garnett to self-help gurus to Debbie Gibson (not that I owned a Debbie Gibson album in the 80’s, I swear…), cultural icons, parents and teachers tell our children that anything is possible, that the world is their oyster. This message is even more prevalent now that we have elected our first black president, and the first president in quite a while whose campaign was about collective possibility: “Yes we can.”

But in reality mainstream media’s implicit messages present a very narrow range of possibilities to young people. This is not new information for any of the readers at Shaping Youth or Project Happiness. We all know that sex, money, fame and power are the commodities that big business is selling to our youth (and through those commodities, they sell their physical wares: video games, food, clothing, etc.). But I’m guessing that most of you haven’t examined this information from the point-of-view of an undercover linguist. That’s what I’d like to introduce here – because I think it gives us a different perspective on the specific limitations being placed on possibility. So shut down your computer if grammar makes you queasy because here comes a mini-grammar analysis of possibility and pop culture:

Since Debbie Gibson is one of the original cultural icons to make the claim for limitless possibility (and also the claim that she’s “lost in your eyes” – also worth exploration, but perhaps at another time…), let’s look at the possible roles provided by pop music language. Below are the title lines of this week’s top 10 hits from Billboard (highlighted pieces are the actual titles, with links to lyrics):

1. Are you down?
2. It’s a party in the U.S.A.
3. Who’s gonna run this town?
4. Whatcha say?
5. I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night.
6. I’m your biggest fan; I’ll follow you until you love me, papa, paparazzi.
7. Been here all along so why can’t you see you belong with me?
8. Why you so obsessed with me?
9. You know that I could use somebody, someone like you.
10. Empire State of Mind (Title not in song. First line of chorus: New York. Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there’s nothing you can’t do, now you’re in New York.)

Since pop music, like most of mainstream media, focuses quite a bit on sexuality, let’s break down the language of each top 10 song by gender:

Roles Women Get to Play Roles Men Get to Play
1. Being down Inquiring about state of down-ness
2. Partying (no explicit mention)
3. Being desired Running the town
4. Inquiring about an affair Apologizing for an affair
5. Anticipating partying Anticipating partying
6. Desiring and following a man Being desired and followed
7. Desiring a man/being unseen Being desired/not seeing a woman
8. Being desired by a man Desiring a woman
9. Accepting/declining relationship offer Declaring readiness for a relationship
10. Presenting possibilities to a man Narrating New York accomplishments (essentially ‘running the town’ as in #3)

One thing you might notice on first glance is that women are indeed becoming more equal: they are not simply desired by men, but desire men as well. And both men and women enjoy a good party (co-ed, of course). But men are still the ones with the only roles outside the dating and partying game: they get to ‘run the town’ (which includes, but is not limited to, partying). And heterosexuality is not just the preferred paradigm, but the only paradigm. And (this one I was honestly surprised about) both a homosexual slur and a generic foreigner insult are present in the songs on the top 10 list (and the lyrics websites, which leave out well-recognized swear words, do not edit these offensive phrases).

So where does that leave young people? ‘Possibility’ comes from the same Latin root as ‘potent’ (play with an online etymological dictionary one day – so much fun!), from the Latin to have the power to/be able to. The powerful corporations are not giving young women and men real power; instead they are handing out heterosexual attraction and masculine competition.

But we do not have to choose these possibilities; we can choose the radical possibilities presented by sites like Shaping Youth and by the “Project Happiness” documentary, being shown this weekend at the Mill Valley Film Festival. This film follows high-school seniors from California, India and Nigeria as they investigate the nature of happiness and begin to see the possibilities for true power: compassion, forgiveness and community.

Richard Davidson, a prominent neuroscientist interviewed in the film, talks about the possibilities inherent in the brain, particularly the young brain. Scientists used to believe that, after childhood, the brain was pretty much stuck: it couldn’t behave in new ways. But scientists like Davidson are discovering that the mature brain can change. In fact, the brain grows 5,000 new brain cells a day. This growth – or plasticity as it is called in the literature – means that:

“All of us, and youth in particular, are in a constant state of flux and change and that gives you radical possibilities for growth and development.”
-Richard Davidson in “Project Happiness: The Film”

It is these radical possibilities that the young people in the film discover and that all young people can discover. We do not have to accept the roles handed to us by mainstream media. Instead, we can create new roles and new possibilities. This means that anything is possible – we have the power to make it happen.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
| No Comments »

A Challenge Worthy of One’s Gifts

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

mister_rogers

While I still have to remind myself to take a deep breath and calm down, I think I do pretty well when faced with challenges these days. The other day I managed a work phone call while assisting my 3-year-old on the potty and making sure my 1-year-old didn’t unroll the entire toilet paper roll (half, maybe…). So I think I’m doing pretty well.

But as an adolescent I did not respond well to challenge – I saw it as a test and, thus, as something I could fail. My parents were sensitive to this anxiety and realized early on that indirect requests worked much better than direct challenges. But then school started and, well, you can’t avoid challenge there.

My first catastrophic response to a challenge came in elementary school when we were challenged to use our bodies. My body was not then, nor is it now, up to any kind of challenge involving coordination. I once crashed my bike into our neighbors’ yard because I couldn’t figure out how to pedal backwards (luckily, the neighbor was a doctor, and I got some free medical help). The big game they loved to have us play in elementary school was kickball. I was always among the last 2 or 3 children picked for a team, which didn’t do much for my self-confidence going in.

One day, after I caused our team a few outs, the teachers couldn’t find me when it was time to go back in to class. My response to the challenge had been simply to walk home. I remember my thinking: “Hey, my mom is just a few blocks from here. This game stinks. Why don’t I just go home?” My mother had been putting my sister down for her nap and she heard the front door shut. When she came downstairs she found me relaxing on the couch watching Mr. Rogers. Of course Mom brought me right back to school. And the next week a fence appeared around our playground – no more escape from kickball!

Although I was a pretty smart kid, I didn’t respond well when challenged to use my mind either. Once, after what I perceived to be an embarrassing performance in math class, I tried again to leave the school. Unfortunately, this was after the advent of fences around school yards and I was inside the school and this was my middle school, located about 10 miles from home – all factors working against me getting home for a nice, relaxing afternoon with Mr. Rogers, his comfy sweater and his friend, Henrietta Pussycat. But I did try to escape, resulting in the principal having to physically restrain me and an (I still claim inadvertent) kick in the principal’s shin (a few days’ suspension for that one).

Thanks to my parents, my teachers and patient administrators (like the one with the bruised shin), I made it through secondary school and into college. I learned how to manage my emotions and deal with academic and (minor) physical challenges. But it wasn’t until college that my school institution challenged me to use my gifts for personal connection. The Tucker Foundation (the college’s volunteer organization) challenged me to direct and further develop the Adopt-A-Grandparent program, pairing college students with elderly men and women who needed help and community. Phi Tau, my co-ed fraternity, challenged me to work with my peers to create a fair and comfortable community. And my supervisor at the Beth Israel Hospital in Boston challenged me not only to interpret for the hospital’s Russian patients, but to make them feel part of our community.

What I responded to as a young person, and continue to respond to now, is a challenge to create community. And this is what we are challenging you and your classes to do: to use your individual gifts and talents to create community, however you define it: you classroom, your school, your neighborhood, your city, your country, or your world. We have created a 7-step project (to go with the 7 chapters of the Handbook) that culminates in the germination of a plan, a plan for your students to bring more happiness to their community using their gifts. This challenge to community can be found in chapter 8 of the Facilitators’ Guide (let me know if you still haven’t received one – I’ll send you one via e-mail ASAP), but I’ve reprinted (sadly devoid of the lovely orange background — too technologically complex for me!) below:

A CHALLENGE

I. Ask students to interview a community member using the “Exploring in My Community” activity on p. 14. Share your results as a class and try to find commonalities. What have you learned about your community that you didn’t know before?

II. After reflecting on “My Defining Moments…” on p. 35, find people in your community who have suffered and struggled and ask them to share their defining moments with the class.

III. Have students reflect on “Ideas about My Gift” on p. 67. Then have everyone share their greatest gifts with the class (it can be anonymous) and compile a list. Ask students to show the list to 3 community members and interview them about how they feel these gifts might relieve suffering in the community.

IV. After learning about active listening (pp. 102-3), explore resources for those suffering in the community (counseling, state resources, etc.). Do those resources provide true listening? How do they work to relieve suffering? Is there anything missing?

V. After writing or talking about “Reflecting on Compassion” on p. 113 and summarizing what you have found out about the community, begin to brainstorm about how compassion in action could be applied in your community.

VI. After reading about “Interdependence…With Others!” on p. 145, guide your students in tracking the ways people suffering in your community are interdependent, looking at family, business, government, schools, media, crime, etc.

VII. After reading about the young social entrepreneurs on pp. 167-168, use all the information you have gathered to create your own social entrepreneurship, either as a class or individually.

And there will be an incentive (beyond the rewards of community building). The class that comes up with the most amazing social entrepreneurship (as judged by our expert staff at Project Happiness headquarters) will receive a prize to be announced in next week’s blog. So, stay tuned…

And I still think Mr. Rogers’ words are some of the best advice to someone panicked by challenge: “I like you just the way you are.” We all have gifts and struggles and we are all truly good, just the way we are.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
| No Comments »

The Alchemist: Susan Boyle

Friday, April 17th, 2009

The Alchemist: Susan Boyle

Even the name, Susan Boyle, when I read it on someone’s Facebook profile, caused an automatic disinterest, when I learned she was somehow associated with Britain’s Got Talent show, I downright crumpled the notion of following the link and wasting my precious time. The constant mentions in various media outlets, reinforced my interest. By mid-afternoon, as my second cup of coffee wore my mind into a modicum of unproductive window screen shuffling, I logged onto YouTube. The video viewer counter was at nearly 5 million views.

As the show’s quick editing flashed her eschewed smile, broken bird’s nest hair style, and British 1980’s mannerisms, I expected another cruel lynching. Here, once more, a video to lampoon the sweet well-intentioned that reality TV talent shows depend on. I braced myself for another William Hung moment I thought.

But the rest is history. WATCH THE VIDEO ON YOUTUBE

As she delivered her notes, my emotions cascaded and invigorated the recess of my childhood memories. The moment was inspiring and humbling. It was the rupture of my cynical expectations and a recommitment to my species and to the possibilities within me.

It was a thrilling experience and one that I can only compare to the sensation of watching an impossible maneuver that changes the dynamics of a soccer game. But in my psyche, I am only able to compare Susan Boyle’s feat to the anonymous man who blocks the path of tanks during the Tiananmen Square protests in 1989. That iconic video, defines the end of the end of the Cold War, with its militarized suppression of individual rights.

The malaise that Susan Boyle ends is the personal/individual and collective cynicism, so vivid and vast in our imaginations, that we’ve started to tend to it as if it we were a prime flower in our gardens. At this time, with a global crisis rooted in apathy and cynicism, Susan Boyle has done more to revive optimism than a trillion dollars has done and this is true alchemy.

Tags: , , , ,
| 5 Comments »